Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
Malcolm Offline
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#81
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. 

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

 The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me." 

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down." 

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down How does a glass of water do that?" 

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...



(This can be used by changing the sexes about of course).
29-01-2015, 12:26 AM
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BRADDAN OAK Offline
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#82
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
Sixth grade science teacher, Mrs Parks, asked her class, " which human body part increases 10 times its size when stimulated?. No one answered until Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will tell the Principal, who will fire you!".
Mrs Parks ignored her and asked the question again. Mary's mouth fell open ,"Boy ,she is going to get into big trouble".
The teacher ignored her again and continued, "anybody? ". Finally, Billy stood up, looked round nervously ,and said,
The body part that increases10 times it's size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye,"
Mrs Parks said "Very good Billy." She then turned to Mary and said, "As for you young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a very dirty mind, Two, you didn't read your homework, and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.
 
10-02-2015, 11:26 AM
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TTNeb Offline
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#83
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
Love it Braddan Oak ;o)
.
Everything will be alright in the end. And if it's not alright, it's not yet the end.

11-02-2015, 06:16 PM
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BRADDAN OAK Offline
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#84
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
JAPANESE SEX.
A Japanese couple were having an heated argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex.
HUBAND--------- SUKITAKI
WIFE-----------------KOWANINI
HUSBAND----------TOKA A AMJI RODI ROUNNJI YAKOO
WIFE ON KNEES BEGGING---------- MIMI NAOUNDINELE
HUSBAND----------- NA MIAOU KINA TINI KOUJI
scroll down








I cannot believe you just sat and tried to read this, As if you understood Japanese.
UNBELIEVEABLE
I knew you would read anything about sex

YOU NEED HELP.
 
13-02-2015, 09:58 PM
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BRADDAN OAK Offline
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#85
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
A man and his ever nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.
While there his wife passed away suddenly.
The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for£5000, or you can bury her here for£150".
The husband thought about this and said that he would have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked," Why would you spend £5000 to ship your wife home, when you can bury her here for £150."
The husband replied "Long, long ago a man died here, and 3 days later rose from the dead."
And You must understand," I JUST CANNOT TAKE THE RISK".
 
19-03-2015, 11:04 AM
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Malcolm Offline
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#86
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man, you look tired."

His buddy says: "I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She's after me 3 and 4 times a day and I just don't know what to do."

A fellow about 65 or so, sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.

He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says:

"Marry her. That'll soon put a stop to it."
24-03-2015, 11:13 AM
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Yamanx Offline
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#87
General Election
[Image: jh5zrp.jpg]


"By all means think yourself big, but never think others small........."  R.F. Scott
24-04-2015, 01:08 PM
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ian huntly Offline
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#88
RE: General Election
We had the UKIP candidate yesterday.................

Tasted great with some Fava Beans and a bottle of Chianti !!
Crazydance

In 2015 I celebrate 68 years as a devoted TTFan

Bookingfor 2016 !!
06-05-2015, 10:08 AM
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Blademan Offline
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#89
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
Andy wanted a pair of Sidi boots to replace his shabby old pair and seeing some on sale in his size he bought them and as soon as he arrived home put them on. Walking proudly into the kitchen he said to his wife Emma " notice anything different about me" Emma gave a quick glance, "no" she said.
Andy stormed off to the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for his new boots, again he asked Emma, a little louder this time "Notice anything different NOW?"
Emma looked up and said "Andy, what's different? nothing, it's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Furious, Andy yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, EMMA?"
"No" she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"

Without changing her expression, Emma replied "you should've bought a new helmet then"
08-02-2016, 09:17 PM
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Azman Offline
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#90
RE: Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
Steam Racket are reducing prices next year.................now that's a Joke!



"Its turned out quite nice ....." Beer2
Riggsy
24-05-2016, 10:18 AM
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