Jokes, Humour, Funny Stories - Post Them Here
ade! Offline
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#16
 
ok, a few for all the girls on here:

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ade and Deb are lying in bed. Ade says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world"
Deb says, "I'll miss you..."
----------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours
would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make
love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said
that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he was over ninety years old!!!
Got to love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to
forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
---------------
: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his
neck and the noose.
---------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one---he just holds it up there and waits for the world
to revolve around him.

OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him
brag about the screwing part.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after
mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
---------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man
wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
---------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


don't blame me, i didn't make them up Big Grin
ade!
ACU? why not add "nt" to the end, you'll get the idea!
19-01-2006, 06:52 PM
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Messages In This Thread
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:24 PM
Motorcycle Wisdom - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:04 PM
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:13 PM
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:17 PM
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:20 PM
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:23 PM
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:25 PM
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:29 PM
[No subject] - by ttwebsite - 11-01-2006, 12:53 PM
Joke - by Sid from Brigg - 14-01-2006, 08:49 PM
[No subject] - by ade! - 18-01-2006, 11:47 AM
[No subject] - by Hilary M - 18-01-2006, 07:51 PM
[No subject] - by Noddy - 19-01-2006, 03:53 PM
[No subject] - by ade! - 19-01-2006, 06:52 PM
[No subject] - by thewitch - 19-01-2006, 07:18 PM
[No subject] - by ade! - 19-01-2006, 09:23 PM
[No subject] - by ade! - 24-01-2006, 04:55 PM
How you spent your dash - - by Harry - 25-01-2006, 07:02 PM
[No subject] - by ade! - 27-01-2006, 01:57 PM
[No subject] - by Tom Loughridge - 20-02-2006, 10:52 PM
[No subject] - by charlie hulse - 03-03-2006, 06:13 PM
[No subject] - by charlie hulse - 03-03-2006, 06:18 PM
[No subject] - by charlie hulse - 03-03-2006, 06:24 PM
[No subject] - by ade! - 03-03-2006, 07:28 PM
[No subject] - by ade! - 10-03-2006, 01:51 PM
[No subject] - by Malcolm - 14-03-2006, 04:45 PM
[No subject] - by Malcolm - 18-03-2006, 12:40 AM
[No subject] - by Hilary M - 18-03-2006, 05:26 PM
[No subject] - by Cherie Christian - 22-03-2006, 09:21 PM
[No subject] - by Hilary M - 22-03-2006, 10:21 PM
[No subject] - by Cherie Christian - 22-03-2006, 10:38 PM
[No subject] - by charlie hulse - 22-03-2006, 10:47 PM
[No subject] - by Cherie Christian - 22-03-2006, 10:48 PM
[No subject] - by thewitch - 22-03-2006, 11:38 PM
[No subject] - by Sid from Brigg - 03-04-2006, 08:28 PM
[No subject] - by Hilary M - 04-04-2006, 09:51 AM
Why we love children...! - by charlie hulse - 21-05-2006, 12:41 PM
RE: Why we love children...! - by TTNeb - 15-04-2018, 08:33 PM
[No subject] - by Hilary M - 29-05-2006, 06:45 AM
[No subject] - by Malcolm - 15-09-2006, 10:59 AM
[No subject] - by thewitch - 15-09-2006, 12:29 PM
[No subject] - by Malcolm - 15-09-2006, 01:09 PM
good rider - by ian huntly - 20-10-2006, 11:39 AM
Scots on Holiday..... - by Guy - 28-10-2006, 09:31 AM
[No subject] - by Noddy - 13-04-2007, 01:34 PM
[No subject] - by Queenie - 08-05-2007, 01:50 PM
God and Harley Davidson - by DCLUCIE - 17-06-2007, 02:40 AM
If you ae going to Mozambique on your bike - by thewitch - 19-01-2008, 01:52 PM
[No subject] - by thewitch - 21-01-2008, 06:26 PM
[No subject] - by thewitch - 24-01-2008, 12:01 PM
[No subject] - by sticky - 24-01-2008, 12:06 PM
[No subject] - by thewitch - 24-01-2008, 12:09 PM
[No subject] - by thewitch - 24-01-2008, 12:38 PM
[No subject] - by cargo - 24-01-2008, 01:05 PM
[No subject] - by cargo - 25-01-2008, 05:37 AM
[No subject] - by Fly - 26-01-2008, 08:57 PM
[No subject] - by Fly - 30-01-2008, 06:54 PM
[No subject] - by Noddy - 08-02-2008, 06:46 PM
General Election - by Yamanx - 24-04-2015, 01:08 PM
RE: General Election - by ian huntly - 06-05-2015, 10:08 AM



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