Dear Mr Simons,

Please refrain from arranging advertising contracts on behalf the Gorse Lea Marshals. You insist on ignoring the phenomenal success of The Famous Gorse Lea Pheasant in the Drench televisual advertisement.

Click here to run Drench Video

As a result of this success our lawyers, Benchson, Hedges and Scratchit, are in negotiation with Britvic for the supply of a seating installation at Gorse Lea. They have already reached agreement that the installation will be known as "The Drench Bench."

Should you continue to jeopardise this project we may be forced to publish details of your recent expenses claims for homes in Australia, Japan, and Bride.

Yours sincerely,
John RS Foster